The Best Thing About Hell is Me

find another place to fall

2007-09-21T20:51:00.000+08:00

a lonely september

2007-09-16T14:32:00.000+08:00

a synopsis of how my revision had been coming along so far...

lauren: so you take this and you equate it to zero!
me: okay.
lauren: and this is mod, so you have to be careful!
me: okay then how do i do this?
lauren: you see, this cuts at the negative area of the mod curve so you got to make sure that it's negative.
me: *proceeds to change to equation to negative, albeit wrongly
lauren: NO! IT'S THE OTHER WAY! BE CAREFUL
******after a series of mod questions********
lauren: so what did i tell you about mod when the other curve cuts the negative part?
me: errrr....be careful?

lauren: tell me, when does market failure occurs
me: I KNOW! when the market fails.
lauren: *proceeds to cosh me on the head.

me: can you help me with -
lauren: NO! i'm quitting!

i know, i am THIS hopeless.

a thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins

2007-09-15T17:17:00.000+08:00

i can't find much to say lately, except for the fact that promos is a mere few days away. holy bananas.

anyway, taking back sunday compliments history extremely perfectly. miami goes very nicely as the soundtrack to the french defeat at dien bien phu, as is set phasers to stun with interstate tensions.

the terror held in wedding bells. the comfort in there's noone else. the truth be told i'm never gonna know.

and who's to say we're not good enough.

2007-09-09T15:46:00.000+08:00

BACK TO SCHOOL TOMORROW.

i cannot wait. feels like i haven't seen my homies since the stone age. though i must admit i feel a sense of impending doom as promos draw nearer, but oh well, i've studied, been studying and still studying, so i guess i can only anticipate to reap what i've sowed.

oh yeah, back to school. i figured out i'll still get to see the boy again since he won't be gone so soon. even so, i'm not going to make an effort to falter, ever. nobody will fuel my insecurities, especially not him.

i honestly think that Dear Frankie is nice despite whatever underlying false hopes it seem to be slapping into my face.

bruised but not broken

2007-09-06T23:39:00.000+08:00

one of the days where i've only eaten two meals in really minute portions, a truckload of fruits and still feel that i weigh as much as cement truck.

i wish i wasn't so muscular.

and what on earth has vacuum cleaners got to do with lions!

2007-09-05T22:48:00.000+08:00

"Sweet!" said Lenina and, laying her hands on his shoulders, pressed herself against him. "Put your arms around me," she commanded. "Hug me till you drug me, honey." She too had poetry at her command, knew words that sand and were spells and beat drum.

6 months of literature, 6 months of brave new world and othello, 6 months of pure utter "what the shit?!" during lit tutorials, 6 months of pure "idunnowhatthismeans" etc...and 6 months of hearing "this is comical!", "this is farcical", "this is slapstick" and/or "look at Lenina, so comical" during sng's lectures, i never found anything from brave new world exceptionally funny until jasmine tan brought to my attention the extract above during tutorial today.

now, THAT is funny. [i mean, of course, you have to read the book and study it carefully to know how hilarious it is] in fact, i LOL-ed [so much for shakespearean language].

and i can safely say that after 6 months of "?", "!" and/or "?!?!?!?!? $#%$&%^$#" during tutorials, everyone's efforts aren't in vain. i reread brave new world today and caught myself laughing at episodes that i previously viewed as "crap" and/or "bullshit".

anywho, good-morrow lame saints!

sticking through the backdoor

2007-09-03T21:04:00.001+08:00

okay. i need to re-evaluate my life. i love life, i love school, i love my family & friends, i semi-love my lifestyle and yadda yadda. but i think i'm being pulled down by promos. like a bird that's being tethered to a stand via a chain on the neck. pardon the imagery. fact: i need to work harder for promos. fact: i'm not slave-driving myself hard enough. fact: i'm a lazybone. fact: even if i did, all the information seemed to have self-destructed 3 days later.

and i'm not even doing anything to salvage this crap.

exactly one year ago, i was playing and prelims didn't occur to me as my priority. one year later, i've enrolled myself into a crazy education system that works by slave-driving, physically and emotionally. come to think of it, why did i do it? i mean, it's not even A Levels and i already have 4 history ring files to date, 2 sets of binded econs note [they would occupy 4 ring files as well], 1 maths file [could rival my o levels one] and a lit file [no comments for this, i haven't done lit before]. seriously. this is either environmental-unfriendly at its best, or jc workload is kaboom.

Yatta.

2007-09-01T18:06:00.001+08:00

to compensate for not turning up at vivo to catch the Heroes cast live in action, i watched Heroes from 3 to 8pm. then i realise i could have spent that 5 hours doing something more productive like studying, but i did not. i went on like a typical all-american couch potato, watching tv and eating cheetos. i am very very very ashamed of myself, and contemplated Dobby-stance, i.e. whacking myself on the head with a table lamp or leaping off the highest tower.

then redemption came when huang decided to come over and study. maybe it's fate, but so much for redemption. we ended up talking about, of all topics, 7 wonders of the world, health matters, american revolution and skinny jeans.

i officially suck at life and i will be retained.
boo. hoo. hoo.

hypothesis emphasised the issue of controversy

2007-08-31T22:17:00.000+08:00

i went back to tps with ly and brandon, shaun joined us when we're having lunch in tps [wow! with $2 you can eat till you explode!], lionel yeo joined us when we're outside the gate and vincent joined us when we're in tampines. caught a movie and dined at pastamania. and i realised that tps had produced quite a number of elitist for my batch and ones before but then...the curent batches had all manifested into ah bengs and ah lians. nonetheless, i'm still proud to be part of the non-delinquent batch!

less is more, so i'm logging off to go study now. it's alarming. i mean, promos is less than a month away?! oh my! oh my!

all about the (???)

2007-08-30T19:36:00.000+08:00

it dawned on me, just this afternoon, during history, that good grades make the world go round. or, make my world go round. and to robyn, it only happens in singapore. true, that. anyway, i guess, either my efforts and "hardwork" paid off, or i'm just too tyco to be true. i finally got a 12/25 for the previous history test and 14.5/25 for the first SBQ test. like, a jump from 3/25 for essay tests. and fyi, in jc, especially for the combi i've plunged myself into, tests are either essays or essays. the encouraging and motivating part came today when Teo returned our SBQs. to my ~~horror~~ amazement, i passed. to further that, i didn't have to go for the SBQ concentration camp during the holidays. okay, that made me high for the entire afternoon. i mean, 14.5/25 for my first attempt. not bad already?

i even stapled TIME's article on shia labeouf on my class's noticeboard and voluntarily signed up for the concentration camp. even ecstasy can't have similar effects on me.

anyway, tomorrow's teacher's day. somehow, i don't really want to go to the primary or secondary school. secondary school is where i wasted 4 years of my life being hated by students and teachers alike. besides, that place is hell of a shithole. no point returning. sucks too much. besides the volleyball team, hsc is the greatest regret in my life. primary school is okay. i had a lot of friends and fun, teachers were fine with me. but then, everyone i know are hotshots now, in elite jcs. don't get me wrong, i ADORE cjc, but the elistists and i...let's just say we are worlds apart.

they say mistakes are here for us to learn from. i guess that speaks for itself. i'll never want to graduate from cjc, look back and feel that i've wasted 2 years of my life in college doing nothing but smuggle food into class and escaping/ponning double chinese.

and i, i'll never let you find me

2007-08-25T20:14:00.000+08:00

i love you, shia boyfriend.

bourne ultimatum with brandon and ly was awesome today. jason bourne single-handedly took on the CIA. and ironically, CIA = Central Intelligence Agency. from mr fahy's frequent laments on students having a lack of clarity and adequate brain power to join the CIA, i guess it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that CIA hires only the smart and the sharp. oh well, still, one brain took on many brains. bottomline: bourne ultimatum is the shitxzxzxzxzxz, although the ending was pretty '?!' to me.

i feel a sense of impending doom, or maybe not. next week is the last week before we plunge into the timetable for intensive revision. following that would be, of course, spawn of the devil at its worst - promotional exams. i don't feel like surrendering so quickly but zomg, at the rate that i'm studying, it's GGXXYYZZ fo sho.

ice cube and snoop dogg, nigga wassup.

2007-08-24T23:15:00.000+08:00

the week hasn't been an entirely fruitful or pleasant one, considering the fact that i've screwed today's econs test upside down inside out. nonetheless, it was pretty fun, as usual. i mean, since Day One, the definition of school had changed from "hell of a shithole" to "beer and skittles". or more like having the definition changed from a chain of words to peals of uncontrollable laughter.

"beer and skittles" episodes include camwhoring with daryl's macbook in class. the pictures, in general, were weird looking and really laughter-invoking. some of them, nevertheless, looked vulgar, seemed vulgar, and are, indeed, vulgar. also, just before the bell rang for history, daryl, elvin and zhenyang were walking me to the toilet at the far end because the one nearer to our class was under washing, and we spotted mr foo downstairs. this led to the guys screaming "general yamashiTA!" downstairs, with the "ta" part emphasised greatly. really funny.

oh yes, elvin think it's really funny to keep tapping me on my right shoulder because i've sprained my neck and thus, am finding immense difficulty to turn to the right. apparently i've pulled a muscle [somewhere between that context] and whatever else.

on a lighter note, bourne ultimatum with brandon, ly and shaun, hopefully, tomorrow. cannot wait.

an 8 ball isn't love.

2007-08-19T18:10:00.001+08:00

i think chippy's british takeaway is funny. so far, i've seen people giving fake names and not responding to it until 1 minute later. most of all, i've seen ridiculous names like hitler, vuitton and bush. just last friday, post francais, bryan, jordan and gideon decided that it would be funny to have the three of them order consecutively with their names as "tom, dick and harry". they settled with the arrangement of "toms, harry, dick", adding 'S' behind tom, thinking it would be even funnier to have the cashier girl read it as "toms [tom's] harry [hairy] dick".

one plain and simple reason why i love having friends who enjoy doing WTF stuff.

now sick and tired of wishing.

2007-08-18T22:06:00.000+08:00

rush hour 3 today was pretty okay. i guess modern kung fu almagamated with a rhapsodie of corny jokes just isn't something i truly fancy. notwithstanding, i needed a really good laugh in turbulent and turmultous times like this, i.e. time when promos are just a stone throw away.

i know i shouldn't be thinking about university yet, especially when i'm on the brink of being retained [this must be this season's trend, everyone is saying the exact same thing], but really, aptly as nat puts it, it's okay to dream. patently, i don't expect myself to get into anywhere eminent like one of the ivies. quite frankly, i'm pretty contented with smu. in spite of that, when you see locals getting into imperial col or UCLA and UC Berk, not as acclaimed but good enough, it's inevitable to wonder out loud, "if they can, why can't i?".

cut, i'm not working hard enough. suture, i'm going to slave-drive myself. close, and hope to reap whatever i've sowed. perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

the exquisite corpse was a parlor game played.

2007-08-17T21:09:00.000+08:00

one thing i really hate about myself - the fact that everytime i do something to a special friend, i spent yonks thinking about my action. today, a simple "hi" had me spending my entire break cogitating about my previous actions. this just adds on to what cheet and nat had to say about me after the fanblade episode - insecured. yoinks. in other words, one thing i really hate about myself - being so diffident.

i ought to have a more dire sense of urgency. school had been hectic as ever, despite occasional early dismissals in timetables, BUT still, tutorials and lectures are equivalent to major cramming session. this mean nothing. it, to all intents and purposes, SCREAMS serious information overload for me. bedtime reading had transmogrified into, what, insomnia-powered sleepless nights. indisputably, i've more or less transformed into a nerd since day one in cjc. i am, for a lack of better vocabulary, lost in translation. with no reference to the movie.

odiously, i am only 17 and already experiencing something so close a mid life crisis.

o holy fishcakes

2007-08-14T21:24:00.000+08:00

during maths lecture:
franklin: robyn, i've been thinking. what if shia and i got married?
robyn: huh. oh. sure one, sure happen one. hahaha.
franklin: kelly, robyn says i'll get married to shia.
kelly: omg, that's so sweet.
robyn: HAHAHAHA!

P.S. the parents say okay to a pair of tigers. in robyn's p.o.v., this means franklin is an obsessive imaginary girlfriend.

P.P.S. shia in terms of shia lebeouf. franklin's imaginary boyfriend. note: imaginary, though i really wish we were truly together.

light up the sky for you

2007-08-11T18:53:00.000+08:00

so much for food poisoning. massive diarrhoea, even though the world doesn't have to know that, i think it serves as a mental note for me to never ever ever ever ever ever touch seafood, lactose and more than 300ml worth of spicy stuff, seriously. i think the lactose part is stupid but i really don't have a choice. it's not a controllable thing, the lactose-intolerant, seriously.

on a lighter note, i've completed the oc from season one to four [yet again...] and grey's anatomy season two. on a darker note, it meant that homework is a goner [as usual] and promos are even more a goner. seriously. everyday i wake up to the macabre thought of being retained but then recent events have got me thinking...maybe it's not that bad. i mean, for a person who's always being exploded at, maybe a change in environment is good. ha, boston. too late for that now. seriously.

i can't wait for promos to be over, seriously. i think i should stop including seriously at the end of almost every sentence but i guess, that's what happens when you watch too much meredith, cristina and izzie on grey's anatomy. seriously.

into you like a train

2007-08-10T13:45:00.001+08:00

sometimes, some things are better left unsaid.

i guess i'm plagued with flu and diarrhoea, happens all the time, but i feel extremely vulnerable these days. i wonder why. no time for emoing. grey's anatomy marathon, feels good to be bed-ridden.

raindrops keep falling on my head

2007-08-09T22:47:00.000+08:00

this is one of the rare times in life where i finally comprehend whatever yale is trying to get across to me with his explicit use of medical jargon. i guess, he's right about the point that i might be better off living my life like a surgeon, learning not to get to attached to a patient whatsoever, learning that less is more, and trying to salvate something even when it's dead so that eventually when you 'call', deep down inside, you know you've tried your best. and don't care if it's good enough for someone else. the 'good enough' part hit me like lightning. "cut, suture, close", i should have adopted it a long time ago.

on a lighter note, i had an overdose on grey's anatomy and the oc today. csi and one tree hill tomorrow, i should never rent dvds ever. just like my previous gorging habits, homework will have to wait for awhile. gah.

when they say that rock is dead

2007-08-05T02:10:00.000+08:00

i just remembered friday's GP tutorial, which was about the epidemic that plagues the world today - materialism. i am so glad i'm no longer that way. [yes, admittedly, i was pretty much an immature twit in history] anywho, let us once again, think of the people who are struck down by poverty in the world and let's continue to make poverty history. do your part, refrain from watching mtv's super sweet 16! in fact, DON'T EVEN WATCH IT. that's the spawn of the devil at its worst.

on a lighter note, the simpsons with yujie yesternight was a blast. i am so glad to see that matt groening hasn't let me down. almost everyone from the episodes were in the movie, especially mr burns. i am especially elated to see mr burns! oh yes, it's kinda heartwarming to see that despite being labeled by my mother as a show that is 'preaches wrong ideas all the time', the movie inculcates the theme of environmentalism in it. so, don't contribute to pollution! if not, remember...EPA, a thousand eyes, twisted tail and...EPA.

i feel like a lisa now, with all this activism.

late december winds bringing pain, back to me.

2007-08-04T12:27:00.001+08:00

instead of young&kent, i fell asleep last night to philosophy. could almost hear sloan carping on the degree of accidie that lies within my mundane self. why oh why, ala aristotle, am i such an apathetic person? on second thought, i really rather be this way than be a troll.

as much as i am humdrum, my readings sure aren't. check it out, according to hobbes, the fact of our equality, coupled with our shared tendencies toward aggression, creates a human condition in which each of us is vulnerable to all others. no one is safe. the strongest can fall at the hands of the weakest.

now, now. that had got me grinding my gears. i am thus very inclined [pardon the repetitive GP jargon] to feel that i might be able to get out of my triple U phase. well of course, it can't be achieved without hard work, something i'm not exactly bent at, but still working on it. attributed to solomon/abraham lincoln/idries shah, THIS TOO SHALL PASS!

on a lighter note, simpsons tonight with yujie! can't wait, can't wait, d'oh.

spiderpig

2007-07-29T19:06:00.000+08:00

seize the day - a7x, live at hammerstein, NYC. my absolute favourite.

i feel sad and happy. sad because i won't be going for singfest. happy because i'll be able to keep the $152, supposed for singfest, for my meet-a7x-in-usa funds. :D for a pessimist, i'm quite optimistic.

now i just can't wait to go to school tomorrow. no, really, i mean it.

selling out monday

2007-07-28T22:42:00.000+08:00

pet peeve for today [and yeah, FOREVER] - shopping with a human body blocking the road every 5 steps. anywho, battlescars include a pair of brand new havaianas from num, courtesy of the voucher from spike 2007, 2 pairs of fbt shorts [jolly good, mr new can continue to include me in his people-who-do-not-wear-cjc-shorts club], mix-up m&ms from candy empire, kelly clarkson's my december for the sister, and of course, bonding with the brilliant kelly [ho, not clarkson].

my favourite article of the week comes from TIME. "The show, sniffed the New York Times, "tests the American's market for seemingly insatiable demand for rich, idiotic It girls." applause, applause, couldn't be better said.

anyway, today's discussion with a certain intellectual was really fruitful and enlightening. in conclusion, i think japan should stop censoring their history. it's like hiding a secret that the whole world is aware of but their own people. and it disgusts me, the war crimes they commit. read-up: Nanking massacre, Changjiao massacre. no prize for guessing why i'm a history student! long live history! :D

sands in my shoes

2007-07-27T22:30:00.000+08:00

it's amazing how quickly time flies. it's friday already! so far this week, i saw the sun for only 3 minutes before it disappeared and it began to ran and the temperature went plummeting. as much as i love the rain, i kinda miss the sun too. yeah yeah, earth nymph.

anyway, made vice captain of the team! pretty exciting news, this mean i can collaborate with jamysic officially! ONWARDS TO TOP 4!

you are the sun

2007-07-22T22:50:00.001+08:00

"and their presence was his courage, and the reason he was able to keep putting one foot in front of the other"

- adapted from HP and the deathly hallows.

now, now, that truly is intellectual, though simple. what's this? i've finished deathly hallows and bravo, there can be no better conclusion to a modern literature like this. good stuff, i'll say. sometimes i really need someone to come and help me fill in the blanks, like helping me explain some nolstalgic feeling, especially after friday when my bests had to return to their 'higher calling', or in potter terms, for the greater good, in my terms simply known as education and future.

the quoted above had just magically filled in my blanks [and my heart]. well, wizards or witches of wizengarmot or not, i, too, believe in a greater good. but it's so screwed up because i had just devoted my entire evening to complete the deathly hallows and neglected tutorial outlines and research assignments. crap. so much for a greater good.

fyi, to the intended, your presence[s] are my courage, the reason[s] i am able to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

samson come back to bed

2007-07-21T17:08:00.000+08:00

spike 07 was kinda, for a lack of better word, zomg. our game with team prima was screwed because apparently, i played setter. which equates to disaster. anywho, highlight of the day should be our second game with the team whose name i ~~didn't bother to remember~~ forgot. for the 1st half, it was 11-1. us 1 they-whose-name-i-forgot 11. how embarrassing.

in the end we won 21-18. we caught up by 20 points, much credits to chris the man who served 11 odd points or so. 20-18, matchpoint and it was my turn to serve. thought i'll end it nicely, like with a fabulous floater serve or some banana weirdo serve. lo and behold, tossed the ball a tad too low, resulted in me pushing my entire body weight unto the ball. turned out to be a blessing in disguise anyway. ball hit the tip of the net and dropped down kinda lightly on the opponent's court.

one word - TYCO!

couldn't stay on for more games because i have ptm [parent-teacher meeting, boohoohoohoooooooooooooo~]. miss lo thinks i lack self-confidence and my mom agrees. as much as i don't like it, i have to agree too. on a lighter note, screw the homework, hello new copy of harry potter and the deathly hallows :D

i won't always love these selfish things

2007-07-16T20:52:00.000+08:00

i just thought that this week might start out as good one but i was...semi correct. this morning i heard some really drastic news from robyn. well, they're not exactly world-shaking but it sure is shaking my world.

2 mars bar and 1 kitkat caramel fudge today couldn't even stop me from being upset about my inferiority in this world.

don't get me wrong. i love cj, i love my life, i love my friends, i love school. i just ~~don't love~~ HATEZXZXZXZXZ %&^&%$^#$%! my grades.

something worth fighting for.

2007-07-14T23:29:00.000+08:00

potter is...not that great but still great. kinda meaningful, especially at the end. "some things worth fighting for" and like potter, i have some things worth fighting for. in fact, someone worth fighting for. lots of someones.

sloan: "frank, i think you're pretty funny."
me: "what!? now you think i'm like some big joke too?"
sloan: "no, you already are."

which is exactly the point why i feel so insecure about myself. i am yet another big joke for people to laugh at. to make matters worse, triple U with a D and B. i see benjamin franklin shaking his fat white head in head in heaven. and roosevelt, wishing he'd rather have truman bombing me with the atom bomb than wasting it on ussr.

admittedly, i suck. this is a total slap to the face. i shall say no further, lest i become another joke. much less, entertainment.

blue skies, broken hearts...next 12 exits.

2007-07-13T22:42:00.000+08:00

besides the fact that i've been flunking almost every subject, this week, as usual, had been a fun-filled one.

this morning's sunrise had been a...very intricate one, so to speak. asking robyn why the sunrise this morning is so beautiful, robyn replied with a very typical "global warming uh" to which edmund had to rebute with "what. are you freaking serious? global warming makes sunrise so nice?!". for maths remedial, i sat beside edmund.

during maths rem,
zhenyang: "eh teacher how to do this?"
edmund: "zhenyang you know why you can't do?"
edmund: "cause you are STUPID!"
yoong [aka maths tutor]: "eh, don't use the S word, change it to silly"

during maths rem,
edmund: *doing trigo function Q2*
*band members play a horrid tune on the french horn*
edmund: *goes to window* "OI!"

during maths rem, the band members were playing their own tunes, resulting in a horrible unsynchronised tune, sort of posing as a distraction to us.
edmund: "Cher! can i ask them to shut up! they are so noisy!"
yoong: "eh, they are practising hard for their gold, you know. don't disturb them lah."
daryl: "but they are disturbing us!"
edmund: *goes to the window* "OI!"

they don't look funny when i type it out, but zomg, i should have taped everything down and watch it over and over. and i'll probably get a one way ticket to an asylum. THAT funny, really. i came home, recited everything over and over to K and seeing the way i laughed, he laughed. see, it IS that funny. and proves the point of laughter being contagious.

potter tomorrow with my sister. i know i'm gonna hate the kissing scene between cho and potter but heck, weasley's gonna make it up for everything.

2007-07-09T20:18:00.000+08:00

for some doltish reasons, blogger doesn't allow me to post a title for this entry.

flabbergasted. i got a B for chinese. a phenomenon unseen of since O Levels last year. don't question me, i have no idea how i procured a B for chinese last year. i guess, bullshitting does do you good in desperate moments like this.

i am extremely tensed. econs magazine due tomorrow and my group hasn't even come up with a decent prototype. EoM due on wednesday, holy crap, i have no idea where, even, to start on the person that i'm doing. promos, the most vexatious one of all, is 2 FREAKING MONTHS AWAY! my days are so numbered.

for now, i really wish life is "easier said than done". but that kinda take the challenge out of everything.

no sacrifice, no victory

2007-07-07T06:38:00.000+08:00

after so many donkey weeks of procrastination, i finally caught Transformers with yujie and junwei but the latter said he couldn't come in the end.

my verdict: it's spanking! it's awesome! it's transformers! if you haven't already heard from practically everyone. a couple of solemn parts here and there but in between the solemnity, humour oozes out from nowhere. satirical and a comic relief. wouldn't have thought anyone not going by the name aldous huxley could have done it. but it can be such a tear-jerker too. i love it, LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT! very suitable for and the 80s and 90s kids like us! i used to think power rangers are so cool and transformers matched power rangers. now i really wish i paid more attention to bumblebee than obsessing over green ranger and his grawp-looking sea pet which he summons with a silly tune played on his weird flute. move away power rangers, hello transformers!

sometimes i really wish i was a transformer. i'll like to transform my brain into hermione granger's. but hey, archibald witwicky and optimus prime says "no sacrifice, no victory".

thought i couldn't see without you, perfect vision.

2007-07-05T21:56:00.000+08:00

my brand new start involved getting back maths grade [really atrocious but expected due to lack of studying. har har!], collapsing during training, getting a new and really cool econs teacher, lots of european candies from a new friend, paying attention in class [that's something to be proud of], getting blatantly ignored in the messaging world by someone, getting entertainment on long bus rides home, getting organised, getting new motivations and maintaining the wonderful friendships forged 3 months [+/-] ago.

i daresay that makes me a survivor, seeing that i didn't collapse or secure a heart attack when i got my maths paper. har har. and i wasn't at all affected when i got ignored by the certain someone in the messaging world. that's like, almost the entire battle won for me already!

i'm a survivor, i'm not gonna give up. i'm a survivor, keep on surviving.

and my homies come home tomorrow! more survival talks! can't wait!

mischief managed

2007-07-03T20:17:00.000+08:00

back to school tomorrow.

feeling: jubilant, elated and plain happy. goodbye [facade of] holidays. hello school, hello term 3, hello FRIENDS!, hello lectures, hello tutorials, hello cca [boohoohoo], hello mugging, HELLO HERMIONE GRANGER STANCE.

don't you just love hermione granger? i do, though admittedly i love her brain more :D

stick it

2007-07-02T23:08:00.000+08:00

today was spent with my homies at vivo. and then at robyn's house, watching stick it, a really cool gymnastics movie. i pretty much liked it. oh yes, bombed $13.40 solely on chocolates at candy empire! screw the diet again! :D

super weenie says:
all it takes is a bit of courage, frankie.
super weenie says:
just that teeny weeny bit.
super weenie says:
then you can walk off saying "at least i tried".
super weenie says:
and that's it! no harm done!

i am so pathetic. this is demoralising. i can't seem to complete my history mindmap because i don't really want to use colours, i just want it in black and white. i haven't started on econs thinger. i haven't found a partner for econs thinger. i bet nobody has but my point is....

so much for a brand new start.

glasgow beef up

2007-07-01T19:26:00.000+08:00

this is cliche.

just last year, i heard the song Boston by Augustana and i was so fueled by the issue of having a brand new start - "i think i'll go to boston, i think i'll start a new life". looking back on the things i've done, i say i'm so thankful for not going to boston. or anywhere else.

from today on, i shall be happy with i have. and yes, i love hermione granger stance very much.

changing this fable that we live in

2007-06-30T07:24:00.000+08:00

seize the day or die regretting the time you lost. it's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over. trials in life, questions of us existing here. don't wanna die alone without you here, please tell me what we have is real.

it's inevitable. everytime this song plays on my iPod, it's as if i'm conditioned to cry at the lyrics. or the tune. it's not emo, it's just that i can relate to the lyrics. i have to say, given three months ago, i wouldn't be able to pertain to the lyrics as closely as i can now. thanks to the sixy girls, i've learnt to seize thday or die regretting the time i lost. you girls truly taught me what seize the day meant. and of course, taught me how to seize the day as well.

holidays are coming to end on next tuesday. new term, new timetable, new teachers, and most importantly, a new start. a brand new start [this is officially the 95874385th time i'm saying it]. so...i've decided to, how do you put it, make some new adjustments here and there to ensure that my journey to getting promoted is not a draconian one.

my fellow [benjamin] franklin says, "energy and persistence conquer all things!" and i will seize the day!

aola amigo! comment ca va?!

2007-06-29T22:58:00.001+08:00

omg chinese. one word to describe it - haha. boon was sitting beside me and i could see him sleeping and then waking up to attempt a few questions and then sleeping again. kelly was sitting in front of boon and i can see her doing the same thing! chinese for today is like...do, sleep, repeat.

today is friday. this means, my two homies in the US of A comes home in exactly 7 days. thinking what i'm thinking? yes, extra baggage once they touch down. by extra baggage, i don't mean their luggages. i mean "more to love". get it or you don't. to be less punitive, it means...extreme late night DVDs with extreme cold hard gorging. methink, 5 tubs of b&j, ruffles [barbeque only! YES SIR!], goldfish colours and alcohol? c'est la vie, baybeh, i cannot wait.

diet? screw that to the burning ends of hell. and stay there. i know i have to embark on one. but that shall burn in hell for now.

in the long cold night, sleep tight.

2007-06-28T19:41:00.000+08:00

exams are unofficially over yesterday, to be officially over tomorrow but it's chinese so heck. as i was saying, the sixy girls and i concluded the unofficial end to exams by heading to island creamery for some real girl bonding and of course, for some good hard frozen desserts. anywho, it's the first time all the girls in the class finally went out for an outing together. and yes, my class only has 6 girls.

Robyn - college women with uncommon first names tend to score higher on scales of sociability and self-acceptance.
Nat - when the sun shine, we'll shine together. and you can stand under my umbrella.
Izzey - when nobody hears you scream, i'll scream with you. you'll be safe here.
Kelly - lights will guide you home and ignite your bones and i will try to fix you
Frank - seize the day or die regretting the time you lost.
Cheet - you'll be stronger with each tear that you cry, then you'll learn to fly.

chinese tomorrow! oh bummer! i seriously cannot be bothered to study for it.

without it, we equal nothing

2007-06-26T23:46:00.000+08:00

hello freedom! :D unofficial freedom anyway, since i have NE quiz tomorrow [what, another dosage of mushroom kang], chinese and a level chinese oral to worry for. BUT, those can wait. so post econs today involved meeting gf and honky outside school, going town for lunch with the class, going shopping for boon's bag with boon and kelly, polo club and sakae sushi with viona.

post polo club involved sakae dinner. post sakae dinner involved viona hiding lots of plates, mostly red colour ones, in her bag. it's the first time sakae dinner cost 20bucks, split among two people, so that makes 10bucks per person. cheap thrills in life, no pun intended.

hey don't write yourself off yet

2007-06-25T23:19:00.000+08:00

everyone is saying they are not prepared for econs tomorrow but, why do i have this sinking feeling that they are all lying and i will be the most successful failure [note the juxtaposition] in the class.

KJ says that all we need is to be equipped with common sense tomorrow and we'll be fine. looks like i have no common sense. i am like an epsilon-minus semi-moron. joy to the world.

blinded in chains

2007-06-24T23:15:00.000+08:00

"He who makes a beast of himself, gets rid of the pain of being a man." - Avenged Sevenfold.

OH THE SEX. 9th august, A7X LIVE at fort canning. beat that! OH MY GOSH. i was eating prata with lih at mr teh tarik when izzey texted me about the brilliant news. i was soooo close to collapsing on the ground. i mean, it's A7X, AVENGED SEVENFOLD, FREAKING AVENGED SEVENFOLD. m shadows, synyster gates, zacky vengeance, the reverend and johnny christ.

the even better news: my mom gives the okay go sign! :D SAYA SAN SAYS GO!

the bad news: got distracted over the A7x hoohah and neglected econs.

hate is a strong word. but i really don't like you.

2007-06-22T23:01:00.000+08:00

screw literature. i confess, i haven't written so much crap before. comparing today's paper to the social studies essays i used to do for mdm kang, the ss essays made more sense than today's. today's paper is...utter bollocks. more than bollocks, perhaps. it's TUSH! SBLOOD! DRACONIAN! and punitive, what say you? methink, thou screwest thy paper tenfold! forgive me, i am no tragic hero.

but i will try to save myself from failing history tomorrow. saya san says GO!

all the play fighting and flirtatious disses

2007-06-21T19:54:00.001+08:00

H2 lit tomorrow!

i'll just go in and do it like it's a game of baseball.

espionage, propaganda and lots of chocolate bars

2007-06-20T22:05:00.000+08:00

after much mugging and hermione granger stance, i went out and met my primary school homies - adrian, brandon, lihyuan, shaun and wanjing. vincent's MIA, due to his semester tests, according to shaun.

hell fun. walked to and fro millenia, shaun's fantastic and brilliant suggestion. caught fantastic four, shaun's marvellous and extravagant idea again. dined at TCC, yet another of shaun's sensational and awesome proposal. fantastic four was okay but brandon and adrian made it really funny. like calling some character chocolate face, and continued the joke in the MRT, with shaun mutating the phrase into chocolate milk face. overall, it was fun, hell fun. looking at adrain spew economics concepts and terms out of his "big bloody chocolate milk mouth" [direct quote from shaun], i am pretty worried about my own econs.

definitely not studying hard enough but hey, baby there ain't no mountain high enough! like how the primary school motto puts it, to persevere and succeed! no sleep tonight, more bedtime reading and more essays! i will survive! :DDDDDD

hatred strips her and leaves her naked

2007-06-19T17:09:00.000+08:00

right, so i saw connor again and today, we analysed my life at this current moment. yes, what the hell?! what more left to say? my life at current - pathetic, unachieving and deadbeat. boohoohooray :( then we scaled down and anatomized my life for the week.

this week had been about hardXcore mugging for at least 6hrs a day, casual bedtime young&kent reading, late night studying with teh cino, and simply more studying. this is, in cheet's terms, hermione granger stance. not that it's a bad thing to be hermione granger, but connor had me stop and ponder why i even bothered to study since studying has never been my nature, albeit something i'm never good in. then i remembered working for acecrest and cadmus a few months ago and i hated being bossed around by pauline and the cuntface charmaine, and i missed studying so much, that i told myself i'll study VERY HARDXCORE if i get into a jc.

now that i'm studying [although not hard enough], i don't feel that i've let myself down in any way. oh well, i can only hope that the grades i get from the mid yrs do me some justice too. but then again, it's A Levels. it's really hard to foresee the kind of results you're gonna reap from what you sow. what. i feel discouraged but no, baby there ain't no mountain high enough! ivy league, yo ho!

i've never seen stars like yours

2007-06-18T16:42:00.000+08:00

my mom says i can have a drumset.

joy to the world. if i don't do well for my mid yrs, if i get retained this year, if i screw everything up so badly, i'll really have no courage to face the world. let alone announce to my parents that their investments on me just went down the drain and everything. i went through primary school, semi studying, semi playing. got through secondary school, all play no study. i scraped and divebombed through the Os and miraculously got into a jc. yet i'm still not studying [at least not hard enough.]

i clearly don't deserve a second chance. somebody shoot me now.

a softer side of avenged sevenfold. this song had been keeping me going for the past few weeks, even since stress fest started. "i give my heart to you. i give my heart cause nothing can compare in this world to you."

ambitious but kiss ass, ivy league here i come.

o draconian devil, o lame saint

2007-06-16T13:32:00.000+08:00

i really wish that exams can be like baseball games. even if you whack like a noob, chances are, you can still drop that bat and run for a base. running for a base is better than being stuck at pitching point. and clearly, hitting the ball at some shrewd angle is better than not hitting at all. i just don't get myself lately, the use of metaphors are rife ever since i plunged myself into a philosophical and intelligence-straining subject called Literature. oh, suck-eth art thou, literature. draconian art thou, sblood. kindly ask for translation if you do not understand. i'll be...less punitive. haha!

last night's bedtime reading was about korean war and cuban missile crisis.without prevarication, it was honestly just bedtime reading, like light and casual bedtime reading. turned out that, i was so absorbed in my bedtime reading, by the time i finished, it was 4:02am. i've learnt so much more about the insights of these 2 proxy wars and it, undeniably, was a mind game on US and SU's parts. i would really love to explain my cogent thesis but...ah, it would be so much more interesting if i had someone to provocate the thesis. maybe that's where the schools of thoughts stem from. good ol zubok, pleshakov, mastny, gaddis and hobsbawn. love you guys, you guys just had to come with a whole new sets of arguments and made my studying a tad difficult. but yo ho, no challenge too big. or too small. [i can't believe i'm saying this. someone shoot me now.]

gee, i sound so much like a geek. had this taken place one year ago, i would have condemned this loserish self into the abyss of the world's end. and cheet claims "you realise ah, what you're doing is so hermione granger. young&kent is so not light and casual reading". boy, oh boy. franklin what have become of you? and frankly, i feel so tempted to just go into the exam hall and anyhow whack, like how cheet puts it. the challenge - to dump all the facts into my brain to the point that even when i anyhow whack, the Grand Counseil still belong to IndoChina. i am very ashamed to admit that i actually whacked Grand Counseil into East Indies during test #2.

i quite like the geek franklin. i also love the fact that i can't be bothered to keep up with the latest trends anymore [partly due to the lack of funds. boohoo]. i revel in the fact that this franklin would kill all in her path towards a distinction. GO FRANKLIN!

i'm a jester i taste poisoned food for you

2007-06-15T21:43:00.000+08:00

this week isn't a productive week. i think i'm not studying hard enough. yesterday i was flipping through Young & Kent for some casual bedtime reading [i pronounce myself loser, man!], i can officially confirm my suspicions of not living up to the franklin name. [infinite sad faces go here]

Benjamin Franklin - one of the best known founding fathers of the US of A. he was a leading , author, political theorist, politician, scientist, inventor, civic activist, and diplomat [overachiever!]. a major figure in the field of science, especially with his astute theories and discoveries regarding electricity. he invented the idea of an American nation and secured french alliance that enabled independence to be attainable. he also formed the first public lending library and fire department in usa! he appears as a character in tony hawk underground 2 too. [atta boy franklin! your daddy must be so proud of you! i'll attend Franklin & Marshall College, if my folks had the funds :D]

Franklin Roosevelt - aka Franklin Delano Roosevelt. US President during period of cold war. attended Harvard University and Colombia University Law School. as compared to Harry Truman, Franklin was more of a negotiator towards Stalin and the Soviet Union. he is, according to Young & Kent, an immensely popular president. he also helped to keep the US out of the 2nd world war until the Japs attacked Pearl Harbour in 1941. [i bet cooperation with Stalin would have continued if he hadn't die.]

Frank Tipp - Miami Dade homicide detective from, my favourite, CSI Miami. he holds much knowledge of forensic procedures and has an appreciation for the capabilities of the CSI's and more so of their results. [not much of a credit here but hey, he's part of the legendary CSI:M team! plus, it is in my wildest dreams to be part of CSI, be it sitcom or reality. forensics science and criminal law are so sexy together!]

these are just 3 of my favourite Franklins. but look at Benjamin, that overachiever. and this research on Franklins had just made me want to study so hard. hopefully one day i'll be able to be that overachieving geek too, but not to the Benjamin extent. just get me promoted and at least AAB for As, that will do. but for now, i guess it's just Franklin - ~~underachiever~~ not even achieving anything. saddening. but after a phone call to kelly, and boi who happened to be there, i feel so much more motivated and recharged to turn our sampan into a huge ocean liner. thanks lovelies! <3

GO ~~fish~~ FRANKLIN.

cut me, i am hollow

2007-06-14T01:33:00.000+08:00

forgive me for the lack of good vocabulary, but i think my brain had given up the ghost.

4 years in haising and there is never a time where i don't cut class, never a day in the month where i don't cut school, never a chance where i don't cook up really preposterous excuses to skip extra social studies class and really, never a single day in the year where i hear myself saying school is fun. or at least, gratifying. zap, zilch, none, nil, zero days. don't get me started on exams, nobody studies for those menial shit called common tests. eat, sleep, repeat - that's probably my secondary school lifestyle. and uh, morning worksheets are toilet papers.

and yo ho, for the first time in my whole 14 years of education, i know what the word "stressed" connotes. i can't believe i'm actually studying for an exam. for once, i know my stuff. but i just don't know how to write a superb essay. metaphorically, it's like having lots of money but not knowing how to spend it. in the end, you just splurge it on unnecessary wants. similarly, i just vomit all my content unto the foolscap, relevant or irrelevant. and i really love cjc, look at the stark contrast. i've only stayed up till 2am or later during my o level days but i see myself doing this almost everyday throughout the holidays. just me, my notes, kopi cino [hybrid of coffee and cappucino, cool no?] and i.

frankly, i'm stressed.

all eyes pertained

2007-06-13T16:16:00.000+08:00

it doesn't help being surrounded by hardworking and genuinely smart people. look at the girls in my class. in alphabetical order, izzey, kelly, melissa and natalie are from really good schools [crescent, scgs and st nicks - good stuff], distinctions are like their middle names or something. robyn is so hardworking, it's almost inevitable to get distinctions. but franklin just lazes around, not living up to the benjamin franklin pseudonym. this is sad :(

i got young & kent for history. this book is almost made of gold. i mean it's $81! i've never bought a textbook so expensive in my whole 14 years of education! that's not all, i have tarling, sloman, 2 copies of othello and 2 copies of brave new world and i believe the library will continue to expand. if i don't emerge from a levels with distinctions, i'm going to be so disappointed and my parents' investments in my education will go down the drain! omg! this is so scary...

on a lighter note, i am on the verge of completing econs and had already completed SEAsian history! all that's left is international history and lit. hurrah! hurrah! go franklin! :D

sew this up with threads of reason & regret

2007-06-12T19:08:00.000+08:00

ocean's thirteen. one word - stoked. it beat ocean's twelve, hands down but ocean's eleven owns all, hands down. now, it would be really good if i can have brains like the crew, but oh man, the fact that the rest of the H2 papers start next friday doesn't help at all.

watched this movie called Dear Frankie, starring Gerard Butler. was showing natalie, robyn and kelly the dvd cover and yo ho, their response - "freaky ah!" yeah, i have to agree. the hills have eyes, texas chainsaw massacre and the departed after dear frankie. can never get sick of texas chainsaw massacre. one of my favourite slasher films along with friday the 13th and nightmare on elm street. people actually eat corpses in texas chainsaw. if that's not delicious enough, they make sausages out of them. yeah, corpses are hung on meat-hooks too. cool no?

oh new age cannibalism! :D

yo ho, a pirate's life for me

2007-06-11T23:04:00.000+08:00

happy birthday to me. i'm 17, sure doesn't feel like it.

island creamery with kelly and izzey <3 one tub of horlicks flavoured ice cream, one scoop of cookies and cream and lots of love from the girls. had the best gift ever - photo frame with a photo featuring all six t6 girls with a really lovely and touching message at the back. done by kelly, with lots of love. then pirates with izzey who kept laughing at the wrong parts but i love her this way :D lots of birthday wishes from lots of people too, thanks y'all.

sew this up with threads of reason and regret, so i will not forget, i will not forget. how this felt one year six months ago i know i cannot forget, i cannot forget. i'm falling into memories of you, things we used to do. follow me, there's a beautiful somewhere, a place that i can share with you.

kelly and i are in the same boat. after watching pirates today, we're going to turn our sampan into the Black Pearl. shiver me timbers. it's hard to believe that the much dreaded mid years are taking place next week and my holidays haven't been the most productive ones ever, but hey, whoever said a pirate's life was all a bed of roses? we're going to brave the seven oceans and the stormy seas. yo ho, a pirate's life for me!

i really want to study but uh, i think i'm gonna go watch some really good movies. hey, martin scorsese's films are the shit.

the [after] life of the party

2007-06-10T01:34:00.000+08:00

the best damn way to cope with studies and to manage stress - partner everything with goldfish colours and Croatian Rhapsody.

home alone today. hardcore mugging, fo sho. but hey, command and conquer. damn, must be the war games that the boys are getting me into these days. can't believe i'm actually turning 17 tomorrow. i don't even feel 17. what's this?!

marriage of figaro

2007-06-09T17:16:00.001+08:00

i conquered history of southeast asia today. hurrah to me. oh, Croatian Rhapsody and Piano Concerto No. 5 in E-Flat major, Op. 73 make very good study partners :D

"On the other hand, research that compares actual people with common first names to those with unusual names often shows the latter having an advantage. People with unusual first names are more likely to be listed in Who's Who and are more successful as psychologists. College women with uncommon first names score higher on scales of sociability and self-acceptance; they are also more likely to have a positive sense of individuality, which helps them to resist peer pressure."

-robyn's blog.

go franklin! :D off to perfect Croatian Rhapsody.

chokehold

2007-06-08T21:46:00.000+08:00

training in the morning, followed by cip, which turned into 6ers girls' outing.

training was satisfying. shijing and i agreed that it was the first ever training where we seriously sweat profusely. 100m sprints for 6 times during the end of training and oh man, shijing and i missed our personal target of 11.3s twice or thrice...because we started further from the rest, thinking it was the right starting line. but anyhow, it was satisfying.

cip was urgh. one word for some singaporeans we encountered - ugly. went to tekka mall to get natalie's bangles. ended up with izzey and kelly joining in and izzey even bought one for me! i feel so loved! <3 after cip, we landed in starbucks raffles city and camwhored! and decided on a class shirt exclusively for the girls - "i'm bringing sixy back". can't wait to collaborate with izzey on the designs!

i couldn't ask for better girlfriends. i love them, all 6 of them - [in alphabetical order, ha] izzey, kelly, melissa, natalie and robyn. where did i go right to deserve these wonderful people? not to mention, extremely gorgeous.

if that ain't love then i don't know what love is

2007-06-07T01:22:00.000+08:00

this is the 3928459753th time since school reopened that i caught myself telling me to give myself "a brand new start. this time, for real".

taking one step at a time, i've deleted some pictures off the folder "BBQ 280507". no prize for guessing who the pictures featured. threw away the artwork that i did in island creamery for him. photos that featured the art went into the recycle bin as well. also ensured that the photo log in my iPod is synced and doesn't contain any traces of...you know. like duh, it's not porno. cleared my phone of all the text messages. plus, i'm not expecting anything tomorrow. i'm amazed at how composed i am on a tumultous storm [thanks lit, for the metaphor] like this and hey, good for me.

when I'll Stand By You spun on my iPod before i slept [omg, yes i SLEPT] last night, i remembered kelly and robyn singing that to me at island creamery and kelly was playing the guitar. i think kelly and robyn's version won Girls Aloud's version tenfold. my girlfriends' version moved me to tears. honest. now i don't see why today can't be a good day - mom's off to work, which means the house is left with the sister and i. i haven't talked to my mom since monday and i hope this would continue. it's doing me good. 3 words - good for me.

let me know what i've done wrong

2007-06-06T15:05:00.000+08:00

had volleyball at 8am in the morning today. basically we did the usuals - ball warm up, ball control, serving and system 8. but i'm pretty much pleased with myself for today. could do everything properly, spiking had improved bytwofold [yay yay yay!] but my serves kept going out of the court and now coach's getting me to aim all 6 positions on court.

and i think, i'm so much better now as compared to hsc days, even though hsc days are the glory days. somehow, i really wished i had performed the way i did now during those days but those days are gone forever [but still edged in my memory]. besides, the hsc girls didn't have a coach and it was kinda difficult trying to correct ourselves or to do all the professional tricks and stunts. but HEY, we made it through into Top 4. without a coach, without a fear of trying and without knowing that we can actually do it. i see jacinda and minglee during a div and all i can do is, "omg, i still remember we did this and this during east zone in 04/05/06". omg, i still remember the time where the court was a battlefield and the amount of sweat, blood and tears lost during trainings could have drowned the black pearl and flying dutchman, hands down.

"you'll realise that after binging, or in your terms, gorging, you'll find that the sadness might have gone away, but the problem sure hasn't." very true. i tried to get rid of everything by first gorging and then running. i felt happy and healthy [irony because gorging = healthy not!] respectively but the problem just kept escalating. thanks connor, now i have no more reasons to gorge.

may angels lead you in

2007-06-05T20:37:00.000+08:00

one word - touched. i've only mentioned once that i liked Goldfish when someone was eating it in the canteen. it was just a passing comment BUT robyn and kelly remembered. i had been down for past few days and today, i can officially say i'm picking myself up again. lots of girly talks exchanged during the picnic between kelly, izzey, natalie, robyn and i today. and i found out that i'm really not alone.

in fact, kelly even pangsehed her scgs friends to cheer me up, robyn sacrificed her study time, nat and izz came all the way from the airport...just so i can get over everything and feel better. when kelly and robyn sang me Girls Aloud's I'll Stand By You, i swear tears were in my eyes but they just didn't fall. and really, we're all going to help each other get promoted, we're all going for prom together, we're all going to be each other's prom dates, we're all going to graduate together and we're all going to ace the a levels together. kelly and i are 'in the same boat' which is just a sampan right now, but we're going to turn it into Black Pearl. literary terms, though.

i really didn't think college would be THIS fun, but now i'm convinced. [infinite smiley faces goes here]

take me anywhere but here

2007-06-04T13:20:00.000+08:00

my mom always emphasises the importance of not getting into a relationship with a boy while i'm still studying. i totally understand and hey, i know my priorities now. today, she stepped over the line and went from reminding to accusing.

to cut a really long story short, i don't see a point in trying so hard for her anymore. i study hard just so they have something to feel proud of or to brag about. but now, i see no point in stressing myself silly when ultimately, they don't seem bothered. i'll study hard, but for myself, my own future, my own damn sake.

amazingly, i didn't blame you when you weren't the happiest person about my o level results. what rights do you have to be a critique of my work when you didn't give me the right environment? what did you do during the week of o levels? you allowed the sister to play the computer in my room, you allowed her to blast music even though i said no, you also proceeded to nearly shred the family into 2. it probably would have been if i hadn't cried my eyes sore, begging you to stop. i went through that cursed week worrying about my family, not the papers. are you doing justice to me at all?

oh and, if you know me well enough, like how you claim you do, you'll know how much i love to study. you'll also know my priorities. i mean, my college friends know that. if you don't, it sure does speak a lot about you.

cops and robbers

2007-06-03T11:18:00.000+08:00

no news is good news indeed :(

when i read robyn's text to me, the first thing that came to my mind was jimmy eat world's 23. what are you hoping for? how true. my mood then - angry, disappointed, upset and all things bad.

7am cricket and 9am tennis. ironically, the results were good, played better than i did when i was extremely happy and high. personal best so far - ace for 6 consecutive serves. and triumphantly, 2 service winners. even so, i emerged from the game sad and feeling down. BUT kelly made me feel like there's one more reason to live [yeah yeah yeah, suicidal lah] - "and franklin, if you fall, we'll all be there to catch you!". WHOA WHOA WHOA. i could have cried a river on the spot if my sweat hadn't drown them out.

what are you hoping for? everything. i'm going to stand on my own two feet, and make the best out of life, especially when i'm in cjc, it's hard not to have fun. suddenly all of marion's old speeches come in - "if you aren't going to depend on yourself, who are you going to depend on?", "two kinds of winning - emotional and physical. the latter can only come if the former is won" and my favourite one of all, "what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger". oh yes, i'll be needing lots of that to function for this 1 year 6 months.

mood now - refreshed, recharged, rejuvenated and ready.

paper doll

2007-06-02T23:31:00.000+08:00

focus of the day - meeting lih, the gf for dinner. <3

i can't remember the last time we saw each other but today was really...idon'tknowhowtodescribebutitwasareallygoodfeeling. shopping at tampines mall and century square. really, when was the last time we/i stopped by at tampines? it had been town or toa payoh for me. anyway, compulsive shopping again, leading to 2 bags for us, 2 tops from mango for her and lots of food for us. oh yes, and reminiscing at tampines stadium! good ol' days but time wasted on my part, for waiting for the certain eye candy turned scumbag. who could forget the picnic lih and i had! yes, at the stadium. and really, honky is a nice boy :D [are you reading this, lih?]

right. still waiting for robyn's verdict. i heard, no news is good news but pretty please, let the fengshui change this time? whatever it is, let the news be a good one? fingers crossed and prepare to die. oh yes, health plan tomorrow - run, pull-ups, sit-ups, scrunches and pumping. down with the double chin! down with the fats! bring on the abs!

damn, the healthy feeling is addictive!

megalomaniac

2007-06-01T21:12:00.000+08:00

maybe i am hallucinating after close to a week of no sleep, if not, really lousy sleep.

please, by heavens, let me be hallucinating.

besides that, volleyball today. okay, i feel the passion coming back again. for the first time in my volleyball history, i am finally able to play a decent game of dig-set-spike. or rather, i am finally able to spike the ball properly without it running everywhere but towards my partner. and i spiked it with the huge 'bam' sound, which means correct contact point! hurrah! :D oh yes, i'm beginning to love my serves too. i think i'm gonna try and turn them into some fast, hard to receive, float like a butterfly kinda serve. heh, the feeling excites me so, bring on the training on monday!

i can't remember the last time i really studied for something. sad. off to MAAD tomorrow and then prata session. cricket on sunday. this week hasn't academically productive.

you're crashing but you're no wave

2007-05-31T22:25:00.000+08:00

vesak day y'all. went to town with yujie. both of us with our own respective goals. his, to get a laptop case for his macbook. mine, to get a new pair of sneakers. but a common goal - to get something. in the end, we managed to find a pair of spanking nike dunks for me. very pathetically, this is the first time since school started where i managed to do some productive shopping.

okay! training tomorrow and why, oh why, do i feel so motivated to go after rerererererereading text messages from someone? i swear, i can hardly explain the kind of feeling that runs around me lately. it's a whole new feeling :DDDDDDDD

anyway, been living on benzodiazepines, antipsychotic and tryptophan again. one month of not dosing equates to mental breakdown. i don't know what i'll do without them. i think i'll probably be more zombiefied than i already am. o brave new world, thank ford for science and technology.

the littlest things that take me there

2007-05-30T23:33:00.000+08:00

that's the class on the tree, and world class ah beng de silva fagging with boon. and elvin boozing, my signal fire izzey with the shrek ears and matthew, stealing some limelight, perhaps.

meet my girlfriends Kelly Ho and Elvin Boi.

pictures from the BBQ. really wacky poses from various people. well, it was the greatest class bonding activity since some of us had guests and we had to entertain them. but really, that night was probably the best night i ever had since 17 years ago. if i could, then i would...really make time stop for all of us that night. no prize for guessing why though. i have pics of my favourite garcon and i but i'm not posting it up. because i can't stop laughing, really.

as for the rest of the holidays, i can foresee how it's gonna be. volleyball, mugging, gorging and hardcore csi-ing. so super productive.

i'm out of this world, come with me to my planet

2007-05-29T21:31:00.000+08:00

one word for the BBQ yesterday - FANTABULOUS. :D

preparation of fries at boon's house where he and i gobbled up most of the fries. touch rugby with kaje, matthew and boon while waiting for the rest to come. tree climbing with kaje, matthew and boon and waving to random strangers. we could have been the 8th world wonder with the number of people staring at us. picking gerard from pit 34 and he gave me a gift :DDDDDDDDDDDD entertained xavier and yijiang's borat accents. nat, robyn, cheet and hurwitz came. with a cake! :DDDDD then the rest of the Ponstars came! moses and iggy came as well! barbequeing food with gerard and robyn, complete with no pork jokes, equates to FUN. xaview, yijiang, nat, robyn and sherman playing bluff with FHM decks. [WHAT?!] kelly and i emoing with my guitar. serenading too :D and i'm so glad to know that i have really great classmates. they're larger than life, really. :D

my favourite part? when gerard and i went for a long stroll along the beach with marshmallow and satay in our hands. it was really cool. the feeling was really great and knowing that someone shares almost-similar aspirations as i do makes me feel that...perhaps, i'm not really alone after all :D and really, after i came back from the stroll, i felt more recharged and energized, not to mention, ready to take on the obstacles i will face in the future. thank you, fanny.

training tomorrow. usually, i'll grumble and kick a big fuss. but frankly, i'm happy to go back for training. bring on the top 4. big ambitions but really, impossible is nothing. [and this wouldn't have happened if he and i didn't take that stroll] his competition on friday and july, mine next year. both of us want to bask in that moment of glory. like the ones i had with tps basketball and hsc volleyball [bronze, in the case of hsc], we both want that kind of victorious feeling, completed with gold medals and trophies. it would be an eye-opener for him, and perhaps, reviving the past for me. [thanks for the memories, they are really great]

but the feeling's so addictive. once you get it, you can't stop. and you grow hungrier and hungrier for it. so...objective for volleyball this and next year - to satisfy the hunger. or in franklin's terms, GORGE.

i never wanna lose you so what's up?

2007-05-27T00:52:00.000+08:00

hey there, it's 12.55am, which makes it a SUNDAY! which means, BBQ TOMORROW WITH THE PONSTARS! WOOOOOOOOOH! i'm like so hyper, i can't wait, can't sleep and definitely can't WAIT TO GO TO SCHOOL AND SEE MY MOFOS! :D

HEY HO! LET'S GO! :D feel the excitement.

hear you me, my friend

2007-05-25T22:16:00.000+08:00

i think i screwed GP and maths. but oh look, i'm not the only one. everyone, yes, EVERYONE think they're all gonna die. so we're all gonna die. and all of us die, there will be moderation. thus, we will all live. :D

i love 1T06, i can't wait for our bbq on monday [i get to see you too] and i love the time we spent together. in the homeroom, in the LTs [LT6 especially, with all the sleeping episodes], out in the grandstand [ponning PE], in the canteen, in the library, at town, at madjacks, at island cream, wherever, whatever. words can't describe how much i love going to school and really, i love cjc. i, finally, love my school! :D

it's amazing how 10weeks of cj can change the entire meaning of school. a year or less ago, i hated school to the core. i hated secondary school. i don't even dislike it, i HATE it. that place sucks. everything runs on a super tight budget, and everything is screwed. the mean people are grotesquely ahlian and ahbeng while the nice people are so super sweet you can diabetes, but they are pardoned. because they are nice. then comes the workload. which SUCKS as much as the disciplinarians. the disciplinarians are one group of hellraisers you wish you could stick a snitch up their ass. and not like we ever bother, we just don't want to waste time doing PC. don't get me started on PC. the only thing i liked about hsc is the volleyball girls team and my friends. that's all. the rest can go screw its mother.

and it's also amazing how much i love to study now. like, it's just amazing what cjc can do to me. kudos to T06 too, the wonderwalls. whatever would island creamery mean without you guys? :D sometimes i look at you people and sigh, the world seriously can't buy our talents [izzey are you reading this?! :D]

amazing as it seems, i'll be 23

2007-05-22T22:22:00.000+08:00

kelly is more than meets the eye. she makes you feel better, even when half the world is drowning, you'll still feel happy. because kelly is so optimistic. :D and monday 28th may is going to be our day. ownage on our part, really.

so today elo returned us our one and only GP compre assignment, which, surprisingly, i scored the highest for. no, i'm not bragging. but why me? why. i don't get it. does this mean i'm really good for something now, after all the failing and subpasses? please don't drag my hopes really high, only to smash it hard later. the feeling sucks.

nonetheless, today had been a superb day, albeit a long one due to PE. messages from him, finally a pass grade and knowing that i'm surrounded by fantastic people. :D nothing can brighten my day better.

alas, the day is ending in 1hr30mins and we all have to move on. for now, i'm going to go gorge on some ice cream and bask the happiness :D

i'm here, i'm now, i'm ready

2007-05-20T12:00:00.000+08:00

jimmy eat world - 23. my favourite for this week. the music fits the entire imagery of falling. falling - out of track, out of studies, out of life, out of sanity. and falling as in failed and fallen. it's amazing what 3 months, close to 4, of H2 literature can do to me, even though i'm not the brightest student in fahy and jasmine tan's class.

being litters [lit students], kelly and i analysed spiderman 3 together and we drew out some life lessons from the movie, like battle against oneself. that was really my weakness in hsc vball days. i guess it's still my weakness now, since i can hardly pull myself back onto the track.

maybe all i need was for you to say "go get them, tiger". allusion to spiderman 2. really, thanks literature.

and the superstars sucked into the supermassive

2007-05-19T00:03:00.000+08:00

a midsummer night's dream with natalie this evening at fort canning was awesome, even though sometimes we couldn't make out they were saying. i had a great time with little miss awesome and man, the entire fort canning was almost swarming with cjcians! it's a good thing. beats those loseristic events we used to have with hsc, hands down. yes, i love cj, and there's never a day where i wake up and go to school, full of regrets.

really, i'm kinda motivated to work hard for the rest of my jc life. sometimes, in the course of studying, it's kinda natural to fall out of track. i'm currently out of the track and the feeling just SUCKS. it's demoralising, and nothing seems to be going right. lo and behold, who should come to the rescue but gina.

sometimes i look back and i wonder why i had chosen cj when tpj is just a few steps away from home. whatever will i do without these awesome shit in my life? kelly, izzey, robyn, boon, elvin, nat, kaje, gerard, gina, lih, lauren, jacinda, fidelia, yilun, marion, hel & shane. whatever will i do without you people in my life? i'll probably never have motivation nor be able to harness enough courage to pick myself up.

that sounded cliche. but you ought to know, i love you people the most. X)

if you wait for the right time, what are you hoping for?

2007-05-18T21:03:00.000+08:00

camwhoring with izzey and kelly at ccab, mad jacks and island creamery. oh yes, we emerged champions of Group B for captain's ball but lost during semi-finals so no medal. boo. i had a tub of banana ice cream with elvin and kelly at island creamery. felt an urge to gorge, so sharing the ice cream became franklin hogging the entire tub. screw the calories, fats, whatever, i don't really care.

you could say i waited the entire day. i feel like a pawn on the chessboard. now that you're online, who's making the move?

Checkmate. i wish.

annie you okay.

2007-05-12T19:48:00.000+08:00

today had been a total waste of time. besides the fact that i semi-studied econs and practised maths, the entire day was spent watching michael jackson on youtube, listening to smooth criminal spin on my itunes for the 23257286th time, adding new songs to the iPod and having some emo time alone.

really, really. i don't know what i'll do without my pillar(s) of strength. they vary, because i'm indecisive like that. but one of them is, frankly, g-unit. i don't know why, but 'small actions mean big impact' seem to apply in this case. i doubt he even knows he's one of my pillar(s). jc life is exhausting, energy-draining and tiring. workload can get irksome. cca can drive me nuts. but no, i'm not turning back. nor have i regret the decision of enrolling into a jc.

because, no matter how hard jc life is, no matter how demanding the education system is, i really enjoy 1T06 and cjc. and of course, kaje's emotion-mix-retardedness box.

the art of subconscious illusion

2007-05-11T22:26:00.000+08:00

a synopsis of this week: great, great, great.

except for 2 stupid tarts in class, T06 is really a fun class. elvin, boon, kaje, natalie and i went down for breakfast yesterday morning and incidentally formed the breakfast club because i was blabbering about the movie. kaje had this emotion box drawn onto his right arm. just press the various emotions on his arms and he will show the exact same feeling. press all and he goes insane. it just happened that i found him so amusing that i kept pressing all. then darryl and hurwitz joined in and a whole new meaning to 'stupidity' was found. then de silva was making fun of tay, the pe teacher, and degraded him to some weirdo. ann long came along and sort of made my day a little. elvin and kaje singing chinese rhymes during chinese lessons. izzey, kelly and de silva being called to see michael tan but no serious trouble in the end, thank god. since we're in the same boat, kelly and i made a pact not to sink our boat. boon hitting a girl on the forehead with a hockey ball by accident. caused much hoohaa on the girl's part [her mother was involved too] but we all took it as a joke. rushing of GPP and using sexpo as one of our ways to showcase the groundbreaker. kaje's idea, really.

and really, g-unit, i love msn conversations. with you. :)

whose skin is this disguise?

2007-05-09T21:28:00.000+08:00

"what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger."

i'll be needing that to get me through JC life, really. i've never felt so drained before. physically and emotionally drained. and perhaps, drained of brain juice too. oh, ma, gawd.

to gee-ner - time has gone. i wish we could get it back ~~but it's too late.~~ and i miss you the most. till the end :)

and i know, tomorrow will be a better day. because the fun offsets everything.

the face of beauty to fall for

2007-05-06T16:47:00.000+08:00

my weekend is wasted. i spent my entire saturday and sunday doing what? listening to avenged sevenfold over and over and over again, instead of doing something productive. like econs tutorial.

don't tell me. i know i'm in deep shit. gonna flunk mid years and let history repeat itself. :(

diarrhoea, reverse chronic insomnia [long story], indigestion, sore eyes [partially due to crying over spiderman] and partial flu, i haven't been the fittest person around. this week had been an emo week. let next week be a better one, please.

lips of deceit

2007-05-05T12:30:00.000+08:00

what good does H1 maths do? well, i haven't seen how H1 math prove itself worthy in my life. to bluntly put it, it only makes me tear my hair out trying to figure out the solution and continuously makes me lose my sanity. the best thing? yoong, aka edna mode the lecturer, says H1 maths is more difficult than amaths. right. i feel a sense of impending doom now.

"they say a hero can save us, i'm not gonna stand here and wait. i'll hold on to wings of the eagles, watch as we all fly away."

i think the definition of a superhero - someone who can excel in jc life. maybe that's why stan lee made peter parker a physics nerd.

with great power comes great responsibility

2007-05-05T00:45:00.000+08:00

why why why. tell me. why.

"i believe there's a hero in all of us, that keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble, and finally allows us to die with pride, even though sometimes we have to be steady, and give up the thing we want the most. even our dreams..."

3 years ago, i quoted that off the cinema screen, direct from may parker's mouth. 3 years later, i sit in the cinema, crying my eyes sore at the third spiderman movie. [this movie, she said something about choices but i was too busy sobbing. my bad.]

why. tell me why i can't find the hero in me.

take me anywhere but here

2007-05-05T00:10:00.000+08:00

my mom has to keep emphasising the fact that it's bad to get into a relationship while i'm still at school. today she happened to trod across the border, from 'reminding' to 'accusing'. gerard's just my guest on monday. damn, which part of that did she not comprehend?

i have so many things i feel like spilling right into her face but i can't. why? she's THE MOM. she wins anyway. i'm not really keen on fighting a losing battle even though the ball's in my court. really, quit complaining about my o level results when you didn't give me what i needed - a good environment to study. you know i needed a condusive and quiet place to study. o levels, now or never. what did you do? you allowed the sister to play computer in my room, you allowed her to blast music in my room, you proceeded to nearly shred the family into 2. it probably would have been, if i hadn't cried till my eyes drowned, begging for you to stop this nonsense every night because i effing have exams for the entire week. even so, you continued. i sat for my papers with sore eyes and worrying about the family. wow, i'm actually surprised at the fact that i didn't blame you for the kind of results for o levels. what about the emotional and physical torture i went through when i was really young?

alas, they say let bygones be bygones. so, i'm not going to study hard just so you guys have something to brag about anymore. i'm going to study solely for my own future, my own damn sake. i find no point in trying so hard for you.

don't get started on me being ungrateful. i'm amazed at how i can still hold on despite going through close to 17 years of living hell with you. and please, i'm not in some shithole of a relationship with a boy. if you knew me well enough, like how you claim you do, you'll know the number of things i put before a boy. and surely, you'll know how much i like to study? my college friends know that and if you don't, it sure does speak a lot about you.

metric decapton

2007-05-02T22:11:00.000+08:00

yet another hearty msn chat with you.

the best damn thing. lack of vocab, my bad.

ownage

2007-04-30T13:24:00.000+08:00

i am so amazed.

by what iz, robyn and kelly did during 2.4km this afternoon.

we all know spiderman 3 is officially showing tomorrow. well, right timing. the theme of superheroes really fits what i experienced during 2.4 this afternoon.

put your heart in my hands, you'll be safe here.

2007-04-28T23:17:00.000+08:00

right from Day 1, jc life had been nothing but exhausting. and right from the start, not studying is a forbidden sin, lest handing in skimpy work. frankly, i still wonder if i made the right choice of committing myself to, perhaps, the most strenuous and difficult part of education - the a levels. so many skills to pick up, so little time to master. go on and guffaw at me. one thing for sure - i'm definitely not alone. i hear nat, robyn, boon, etc ranting about the flyingduckingly exhausting lifestyle we adopted.

sometimes, sometimes, it's really glad to know that somewhere out there, there's somebody going through the same amount of crap i am going through. 18 people, to be precise. thank god for them.

on a lighter note, had a long msn chat with g-unit today. csi tomorrow night. back to school on monday! :D no prize for guessing the reason why i love school. [omg, why am i so emo? must be KJ's workshop on emoism]

quand il me prend dans ses bras

2007-04-27T22:18:00.000+08:00

my class shrieks hilarious.

we had a long breakfast today at toa payoh's mac, involving eating and arm wrestling. kelly vs tim, kelly vs KJ, robyn vs tim, kelly vs franklin, KJ vs hurwitz, while izz defaces the doll she got from the happy meal. then edmund suggested ponning school [i mean, we're not T6 Ponstars for nothing] but in the end, only izz and kelly ponned.

and we're all gonna pon school just to watch Spiderman 3 :D this is more fun than ponning mdm kang's ss staybacks back in hsc. oh and mass ponning 2 weeks ago. definitely living up to the ponstar name, i'm so proud of you guys!

did i mention, we're not just ponstars, we're incredibly smart and geniusy?
""Flowers are a happy species of plants", "Lambs are non violent, carnivorous animals" and "In nature, all hills are slanted. This is a redundant fact." adapted from Loh Zhen Yang's lit essay. "Founders of Youtube but we forgot their names. we'll find them out sooner. or perhaps later." adapted from KJ's group PI [which is my PI since i'm in his group] and of course, Zhen Yang's act of burning his pants to prove his point that CJ's pants are indeed infernoproof and Edmund's repeated failures at trying to pon PE.

so come throw your sissy punches at us. :D

i think i'll save all the bad rants for tomorrow. oh yes, mass messaging between g-unit and i. i feel like the happiest girl alive, please. i'll definitely save the bad rants for tomorrow.

then he ate my boy entrancers

2007-04-26T18:57:00.000+08:00

a day in the life of frank...

birthday girls Izzy and Robyn. happy birthday song gone screamo courtesy of Kaijie.

presenting world-class ah beng De Silva.

we made De Silva give the stupid face. Robyn & Frankie smiles on :D

Elvin- amazed by the M&M Frank offered.

yeah, trying to juggle an ah beng talk.

and Elvin sleeping with his EYES on.

they say, a picture says a thousand words. but these pictures can't seem to describe the amount of fun i have in school. they make me laugh, excruciatingly hard, nonetheless. :D

and of course,

my harlot. <3

drifting through the seams of time

2007-04-22T00:16:00.000+08:00

history, econs and chinese test next week. i know chinese has never been my forte [F9 boleh!] but yo, i'm trying to turn the tables for the upcoming test. i had 66/100 for my chinese spelling and to be brutally frank, i'm feeling damn cocky about it. look, i used to hand in blank scripts [because i really don't know, not because i wanted to look like cool or whatever] and now i'm finally scoring something :D maybe impossible is nothing.

oh, and i just had the best msn chat ever. :D :D :D :D :D :D

sundays ought to be carl's jr day. i know, i know, the burgers are literally swimming in oil and overloaded on calories but frankly, they are nice. nicer than macdonalds, at least. maybe i'll go with junwei today [since it's almost 1am now], but that is if i'm done with my revision. can't afford to retain even though gerard told me i won't. he practically chased me out of the library because he thinks that J1s shouldn't be mugging but should be enjoying 4hr lunches at far east.

room on the 3rd floor

2007-04-20T22:37:00.000+08:00

this week had been a fairly good week:
- victory against TPJC on thursday.
- enlightenment session from robyn
- emo workshop by kaijie
- meeting jac, minglee & some ex hsc vball boys at ccab :D
- receiving a couple of spikes during training :D
- island creamery sticker from lanz :D
- shouting to gerard across the block :D
- a short chat turned long talk with gerard :D
- calls from junming :D
- really heartwarming stuff on friendship from junming :D

robyn told me to cheer up a little and don't look so stressed. and true enough, everything took a slight turn to the brighter side today :D yay robyn! i can only hope that next week will turn out to be better or at least, stay the same.

island creamery with lanz after a div. yay ice cream. :D

twenty years now lost, it's not right

2007-04-15T22:31:00.000+08:00

i guess it's really time i stop telling myself everything would be a piece of cake when it really isn't. REALLY REALLY isn't. like history, it used to be a breeze. look at it now, it's so hard to write quality essays without millions of research and constant self-reminders to answer the question, NOT NARRATE i.e. the things i used to do for o levels and still got me the distinction. don't get me started on econs, i know my concepts and everything. i just don't know how answer using econ terms. thanks sloman, you're not helping.

anywho, junwei and i had carl's jr for dinner today. carl's jr = junk food = comfort food. we covered city hall and clarke quay and bought some comfort food home. i think i'm pretty arsed when my parents get back from their holiday tomrrow because i've spent almost all my allowance. but well, i spent a portion of it on school stuff so i hope mom doesn't go all ranty.

back to school tomorrow. yay. pe till 5pm. unyay.

how can it ever be just us 2?

2007-04-14T20:09:00.000+08:00

i don't like today. it went badly. i couldn't concentrate on my work, i couldn't finish my tutorial outline, the lightbulb in my room was busted so i can't study in my room, i feel annoyed because i can't finish my work.

it's a vicious cycle altogether, i can't be bothered to explain.

still harping on the sad fact that ice cream gorging session with lanz had to be cancelled. on a lighter note, caffeine with junwei yesterday, carl's jr with junwei tomorrow. keeps me sane. so thank god.

riding dirty

2007-04-13T23:20:00.000+08:00

9 out of 19 Mafias/Ponstars turned up for school today.

well i am really irked with how everything is turning out. i am NOT working hard enough [inserts multiple sad faces]. and certainly hate the fact that first match of A Div starts next thurs! lanz was supposed to take me to island cream cause i have a sudden urge to GORGE on ice cream.

cookie dough, please.

killer likes candy

2007-04-11T21:08:00.000+08:00

my parents are out of town. that, to bluntly put it, screams VIVA LA FREEDOM! grandma's taking care of my sis and i, with occasional visits from some relatives there and then to make sure everyone is sane.

anywho, a synopsis of what happened in school so far. by the way, there had yet been a day where i wake up and wish that some flubug hit me so i can conveniently skip school for that day. nope, school had been fun, enjoyable and fos [full of shit].
- T6 are not just Ponstars, we are T6 Mafias. a parody of three 6 mafia. robyn, matthew and i just became ghetto. it all started when i was rapping to eminem's songs in robyn's ipod.
- 2 mirrors in class dropped. damn the walls.
- everyone was appearing all sickly for napfa conditioning during pe. but when it's time for games, everyone seem to, by God's grace, have recovered miraculously.
- playing hardball with narindar.
- disco and dancing in homeroom. all you need is your ears, legs and a mp3. just plug in. and play. and dance, scream, shout, whatever.
- cutting queues during break. all it takes is just one person to start a queue and you'll find the entire class hogging the poor boy/girl and jumping the queue.
- sup sup soursup fiasco.
- class love triangle. hurwitz, melissa and ?
- kaijie's pioneering of different versions of spongebob squarepants theme song. rock, country, jazz, ballad, you name it, kaijie, hurwitz and elvin will sing it.
- sleeping during lesson time. more prominently boon and elvin. what about darryl?
- us girls trying to counter edson's perverse manners.
- robyn and i airing our smelly wet shoes on the window ledge. melvin suggested stuffing the shoe with newspaper to absorb the water. no newspaper so robyn and i made do with toilet paper. people thought we're playing mummy.
- openly cheating during maths test. and miss yoong didn't seem to even care. so in the end, it sort of became class work.
- singing sessions during maths lecture. yoong decides that the Mafias/Ponstars are not worthy enough of chapel seats. so she's reducing us to the aisles.

i can go on. but i shan't. because i'm braindead. there's homework and i mean LOTS of them. first A Div match starts next thursday. le sigh. i remember last year's east zone. in fact, every year's east zone. and the ultimate opponent is myself.

well, i haven't really defeated that opponent yet.

lady in a blue dress

2007-04-08T17:09:00.000+08:00

downright, i'm a failure. or doomed to be one, anyway. lit critique messily done, econs case study half done, maths is screwed, the weight i lost previously is back again and 5 dollars say i am in for another hardball lecture from narindar when i hand in my history tutorial outline.

ironically, i am looking forward to going to school tomorrow because home, like it always, is a TERRIBLE place to be in. i can't remember the last time i woke up to birds chirping, it had always been the alarm clock. or the mother. i don't mean to be a whiny puppy but hell, TAKE ME BACK TO SCHOOL PLEASE!

or maybe, i'm really just looking for a dystopia or utopia, whichever i prefer.

bitch please

2007-04-07T20:15:00.000+08:00

caffeine with junwei brightens my day. what more can i ask for?

the papercut chronicles

2007-04-06T22:18:00.000+08:00

my life is so arsed. everyday i hear a little voice inside my head telling me how it's okay to procrastinate a teeny bit and how i'll eventually work hard the next day. i need to stop wallowing in self pity. stop feeling sorry for myself. stop telling myself everything will be alright. quite obviously, it isn't. perhaps, coming to jc had been a mistake after all. i am in a jc but that doesn't necessary mean i SHOULD be in one, does it?

don't get me wrong, i love my school, i love my classmates, i love my friends, i love my life [i really do], i semi love my cca etc etc, but i'm just doubting the fact that i'll do really well since i'm number one at procrastinating and delaying. i'm trying to change that fact. but they say a leopard never changes its spots. they also say yesterday's failure can be tomorrow's success. they say so many things i have no idea where to start.

on a lighter note, yujie, junwei and i are going for coffee tomorrow. :)

indiana make it mine

2007-04-05T21:56:00.000+08:00

what do you do when you have a history tutorial outline to do [note: you know you won't do it well because the other time you did, narinder made you copy a 3000word essay as punishment], a critique on a poem [note: it's left lying in school. you forgot to bring it home], econs essays to write and LOTS of studying to do? that's right, you start making time for mugging without having to sacrifice your playtime during the day. to bluntly put it, you just need caffeine and a couple of valium. to beautifully put it, it's about being an all-rounder - player and worker. to stupidly put it, it's all in the mind.

i've never regret taking up history because it had shaped me into a person who can finally look at things differently. why? say it with me, it's all in the schools of thoughts, baybeh.

my heart is yours to fill or burst

2007-04-04T23:27:00.000+08:00

many things happened today, just as they do on any other day, but today, the most significant or best thing that ever happened to me was probably during training. i think i've managed to find my old self back, the unbenched self. haha. i really didn't think i could spike anymore but i did today. i didn't think i could be as fast as before, but i managed to pick up a few spikes, so i'm contented for now. gonna work hard for A divisions. it's like finding the franklin who got lost during benching in The Troopers. shijing and i had to agree that the feeling of picking hong chin or kevin's spikes [on a rating of 1 to 10, 1 for snail and 10 for atomic bomb, theirs are 1000000000] is, undeniable and to bluntly put it, damn shiok. or satisfying :D

so robyn and i had been on ecstasy lately. we irritated the poor yoong by doing whatever junwei, boch and i did to watsons ang in 06, we made silly noises during classes like PRATA! and sang three 6 mafia. it's fun with her in my life. and during emo self-reflection today after narinder fiasco, she was the one who comforted me and walked me down for training. :D what will i ever do without her?

cuban missile crisis

2007-04-02T22:15:00.000+08:00

we had to do conditioning for PE today and guess what? in CJ, a bronze for NAPFA is equivalent to not passing! HAH! mr tay made us complete 3 rounds in 5mins for the guys and 6mins for the girls, inclined pull ups and pull ups for the girls and guys respectively and standing broad jump. he said judging from what we did today, 70% of us will fail, in terms of CJ. edmund and osama ponned PE, living up to the 6ers' name: thy ponstars are we.

and apparently, of all my lessons, i love history the most and maths the least. because i have no idea what yoong is talking about during maths lecture. robyn, boon, iz and i spend the entire lecture camwhoring. tsk tsk tsk.

paper hearts and plastic cups

2007-04-01T02:33:00.000+08:00

well i've read enough success stories to know that not everyone can be that lucky. or perhaps, these people aren't successful, they just reap what they sowed at a later and more extraordinary moment. kudos to them, fo sho. but i'm not risking it, so i did my work diligently today. :D

so tell me, what hurts more than knowing your good friend had finally succumbed to the dark side? i was so surprised to know that she's your bond girl now. and i thought she was the one who always warned me about you. perhaps, that's to lure me away, every girl for herself. sad? not even close. unhappy? no. disappointed? tut-tut. no feelings? i guess so. or rather, i'm glad that you finally found someone to continue your cheating legacies with, liberating me from this emotional backlash. i know i can never thank you enough. maybe i've not moved on completely. but i will. i know i will. just wait and see. they say forget yet not forgive.

junwei had been so nice to me. we're still trying to find a fool-proof way to break his legs and finding motivation for me to work so hard and spite him back. after all, what good does it do when his life is a blatant spite towards me and mine is probably arsed to him? and yes, it's the act of watching someone i immensely detest fall into failure that i derive pleasure from. call me sadistic or something, but at 3am in the morning, and my english being uncanningly profound now, i think i'm not in the right state of mind.

burned in water, drowned in pain

2007-03-30T23:03:00.000+08:00

stop. the emotional backlash.

i just wanna break you down so badly, in the worse ways.

go on and paint your target

2007-03-27T22:04:00.000+08:00

had MASSacre PE today and nearly got massacred. it's amazing how robyn and i managed to survive 8 rounds around the track, 50 push-ups, 50 sit-ups, 40 jumping jacks and 1 grandstand. and making us stay in the pumping position, knees off the ground, shouting things like "underwear wet wet, don't believe come and check."

oh yes, i saboed a couple of people during home class committee elections today. elvin and jana for HTC, elvin won. osama bin zhenyang for pe rep. natalie for secretary but melissa won. robyn for lit rep. boon for econs rep. in turn, i got saboed for PW rep.

i am tired. i have no motivation for training tomorrow okay. iron underload. :(

keep playing love like it's just a game

2007-03-25T14:29:00.000+08:00

i did my first GP assignment today and i think i'll flunk it. i don't really care because everyone's telling me "it's OKAY to make mistakes, as long as you learn from them" so heck, i'm just gonna pass it up to elaine lo and see what she has to say about it. well, i'm glad i even made the effort to read my Newsweek for inspiration! yay me!

i did most of my homework, except Sir Fahy's. i really don't get the poem he gave us so i guess, i'm not smart enough for the intelligence agencies.

but behold, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger [thanks marion, i'll remember that for eternity] so...i'll use the learn-from-thy-mistakes thesis again. like gah, all the politicians use this theory a lot too. i mean, just go study cold war and you'll understand. so tata, i'm gonna finish up on my readings. bye present, hello history.

boo york

2007-03-24T22:44:00.000+08:00

so, after another friendly match today, i just realised a couple of things. but the most significant thing is that, i really miss the 05-06 B girls, a.k.a The Troopers. trainings with The Troopers were fun and thrilling. we did stupid stunts like buddha palm serve, banana serve, kicking serve, out-of-court spiking, fake spiking, blah blah blah. that's what i like about The Troopers - never too afraid to try out any bullshit. especially when they came from Melissa. haha. it's a compliment okay! without those bullshit, the trophy wouldn't come our way. sigh, i really miss them, even though we aren't the greatest team, it doesn't matter. at all. :D

anyway, enough of the emo shit, time to move on. met up with junwei and yujie, a.k.a. the currythongs, for dinner today. i told them pretty much everything about cjc, including my feelings towards vball and yes, currythongs should be psychologists cause they own. lah. i managed to con junwei into thinking that i fag. he and yujie imitated the harmful effects of smoking from the adverts to stop me from smoking. a really funny sight. and tried to make him buy a pack of marlboro for me. in the end, i told him i don't smoke. i didn't think he'll believe anyway. oh man, we're going to catch Mr Bean's Holiday together, and i'm still psychoing them to watch TMNT with me. can't wait for the next outing, really.